Yep, let's talk boundaries! Deep down, we all want them. In fact, to truly feel healthy, whole, and safe, we all need them.
But, with blurry or non-existent lines, oftentimes those not-so-great feelings of alert come creeping in. Something's...off. Something is just not sitting right. Your stability is being shaken, and you're not sure which direction it's coming from. Sometimes it's a faint whisper, sometimes it's like thunder. And this same reliable feeling shows up inside your body whenever you're uncomfortable, disrespected, or shamed for what's happening to or around you. You know the one.
Trust that feeling (pssst, it's your instinct!). It will serve your best interest and help you navigate. The primal gut feeling that comes when something's amiss kept your ancestors alive. And while most of us have evolved and adapted into a more comfortable existence, the body's innate ability to signal the brain is still thriving and well.
The other day, while camping, I found myself ruminating on one of my own boundaries. We'd met a couple of other families, and it just sort of happened that we all ended up on the beach at the same time. In that moment, I recognised I wasn't in the chatting mood. I was in the 'reflect and enjoy this epic scenery in silence' mood. It's not often a large California bay entertains less than 20 people! At first, I was thinking, "Is it rude of me to keep to myself right now? Are they going to think something of me? Should I go chat?"
But I quickly reminded myself that I can't control the thoughts people may have about me. I can control how I treat myself in the moment, and honouring myself and my boundaries is essential. I wanted to enjoy the beauty of life around me and stay present. So, I took some deep breaths, stayed in my truth, smiled, and then really soaked it all in. I let my dilemma go. Watching the dolphins, and listening to the children laughing was all I wanted or needed. It ended up being a wonderful beach day of memories, and I am glad I said "no" when I felt my inner pull.
Saying 'no' (especially for all you 'yes' people out there!) can be terrifying. It’s also empowering, freeing, and gratifying. Beyond that, saying no when you feel the need, is supporting your authentic self. When you choose to say yes, even when you really feel like saying no, you're going against your integrity/ethics/moral code. It’s personal assault. Your gut instinct gets confused and sends alerts and sometimes goes awry. And continuing to ignore your intuition is not good for your well being.
And yet, many people were brought up within toxic or semi-toxic family patterns that had fruitless or absent boundaries. Setting and respecting boundaries wasn't foundational. If you're used to that system, it's kind of comfortable in the boundary-less unrest. If you recognize this as part of your past or present life, it's time you believe that saying no without feeling bad is your right.
The connection between your instinct and boundaries is a vast landscape, and practicing listening and trusting your body is the way to tune into that connection. Here are a few questions to ask when wondering if boundaries could be beneficial:
Do you ever find yourself with people you just don’t feel great around? Maybe you’re shrinking a little to fit their space? If you find yourself feeling like you're getting (or staying) small, you're living outside of your personal ethics. You're choosing to turn your back on yourself. And to live life that way is a path to despair and self-destruction. The bottom line, is that if you are putting the needs of others over your own (and it feels too frequent or unhealthy), you need boundaries.
Have you realised you're rarely with free time? Do you feel like you're running on empty more often than not? Sometimes people feel like they're locked in a jail cell with no way out. Identifying where you’re being depleted and setting boundaries will help here.
Do you find yourself dissatisfied with the same thing repeatedly? Sometimes lack of boundaries shows up as a feeling of quiet (or loud!) resentment. If you're noticing your inner dialogue is a broken record complaining of the same thing, it's time to draw the line.
The most common questions my clients ask, when discussing boundaries, are: "How do I set boundaries? When do I need them? How to I get people to respect them? What should I do when they're not being respected?"
My role as a life coach, in regards to boundaries, begins with an understanding of what's happening that's causing the shift. I create a safe space which welcomes vulnerability and an openness to share. Within that space, we form a trusting partnership. One of the ways I'm different from other coaches, is that my approach is holistic and intuitive. The wants and needs of my clients can be complicated, so I cater to their individuality. It’s not a one size fits all.
I help my clients identify, outline, and maintain healthy and necessary boundaries in the areas they feel a need. What I find works best, is to offer support within personal preferences.
Maybe you're not sure where you need lines. Or maybe you've put some into place but are having a difficult time applying them. If you’d like to have a conversation with me to find out whether new or improved boundaries will help in fulfilling your life, I’m here. I offer a complimentary consultation to see if we align. At that time, I will determine how I can help you
Remember, there's no right or wrong. Boundaries can be temporary, permanent, or fluid. You get to make the rules! They're created by you for you. Because your wiring is unique, the boundaries of your intuition are completely specific to you. There's not a general "best" direction, but there is a direction that's best for YOU. Walking away from what doesn't serve your purpose (even if you don't know what your purpose is yet), is essential to living joyfully and in bloom.
xo
Molly
Molly Smith
Life Coach
**I will help you understand where you limit yourself and support you in the changes you want to make.